Beauty's Beast

Beauty's Beast

• Related Event: Trick or Treasure!/October 2018
• Release Date: October 17, 2018
• Featured Characters: The Prince, Johanna, Ranzal, Zardin

Dialogue

Zardin: I am beautiful. I am BEAUTIFUL! I...AM...BEAUTIFUUUUUUL!

Johanna: Gya! Every single morning, you start runnin' your mouth as soon as the cock crows! It is SO irritating! I'm gonna shut you and that weird voice of yours up for good. Get ready for pain!

Zardin: You're in my way, child. Move!

Johanna: Every single morning... I'm so sick of it! I ain't gonna be satisfied until I give that guy a whack on the head that leaves him spinning in his...er...not-grave.

Zardin: Oh, skin! My skin is so pretty! That's why I sing this lovely little ditty!

Johanna: Now he's singing and washing his face like I ACTUALLY GIVE A CRAP! HEY! Zardin! I got somethin' to say to you, buddy, so listen up!

Zardin: So sorry! Can't listen right now. Must practice proper skin hydration. *dab* *dab* *dab*

Johanna: ...The heck are you putting on your face, weirdo? Is this some occult ceremony? Because I am OUT if so.

Zardin: Ceremony? Heavens, no. I'm merely applying my special cleansing gel that hydrates and revitalizes the pores.

Johanna: ...Muh?

Zardin: Here, you should try it. It's ever so refreshing. *dab* *dab* *dab*

Johanna: Gyaaa! Get that stuff off my face!

Zardin: Nice and gentle, round and round... And after we massage it in, we rinse with refreshing cool water. *splash* *sploosh*

Johanna: What the hell is happening right now?

Zardin: Start by getting your face nice and clean; We'll talk more after that. Aha ha ha!

Johanna: Hey! ...Dammit, he ran off again. Now I gotta do something about all this crap he put on my face... Er...nice and gentle? Round and...round? *dab?* *daaaaab?*

Zardin: Right then! Walking! One, two, and turn! Chest, puffed! Back, straight! Aaand... BEAUTY POSE! Well, hello, gorgeous!

Johanna: Ah ha! THERE he is! ...Okay, he HAS to be in the middle of some awful ceremony this time. ...Ack! There's a fiend in front of him!

Zardin: Whither you, fiend?! Do not interfere with my beautiful walking, you churl!

Johanna: ...Uh, okay. That's impressive.

Zardin: Phew! And with that, all the bumps along my road to beauty have been eliminated. Now then, if I remember correctly, Euden asked that I come along as his comrade on a fiend-slaying expedition today. Will I keep walking like this as I make my way to him? I will! Aaaand...STRUT!

Johanna: Hey! ...Dammit, he ran off again. You know, I hate to admit this, but his passion for perfecting his beauty is almost...impressive. Anyway, guess I'll withdraw for now. Although...hmmm. I wonder if there's some significance to the way Zardin was sauntering about just now. It was like...this? Walking, one, two?

The Prince: Hey. I'm back.

Johanna: Nice work on the fiend-slaying, Prince.

The Prince: Thanks, Johanna. Um, you're looking kind of...lustrous today.

Johanna: Huh? I am?

Ranzal: Ya know, I was thinkin' the same thing. Standin' a little taller than usual, too. You been gettin' up earlier lately, yeah? That got somethin' to do with it?

Zardin: Aha! Aha ha ha! But of course!

Ranzal: Wait, why are YOU answerin'?

Zardin: Because the reason Johanna has become so radiant is...me! Zardin!

Ranzal: Sorry, what?

Zardin: Early to rise and early to bed... Taking meticulous care of the skin... Moderate exercise and gorgeous posture... She emulated me—in all my beauty—to perfection, and thus it was inevitable that she, too, became beautiful!

Johanna: Wait a sec... DID I do that? (Hmm... His terrible singing and ungodly screaming did cause to me start going to bed earlier...) (And I did that skin-care thing today... Plus I got exercise chasing him around... Oh my gosh. Is he RIGHT?!)

Ranzal: Well, regardless of how, it's great. Hell, yer gonna be prettier than Zardin before long!

The Prince: I think you're just a natural at this beauty stuff, Johanna.

Zardin: PARDON?! Grrrrrr...

Ranzal: Hmm? What's up, Zardin?

Zardin: Someone more beautiful than I? Absurd! Preposterous! Completely without merit! I will forever be the most beautiful!

Ranzal: Wait, weren't ya proud of her until, like, two seconds ago?

Zardin: But...I am the most...

Ranzal: He's just poutin' now, Johanna. Be nice to him.

Johanna: Why is that suddenly MY problem?!

Zardin: Urgh... Hnngh...

Johanna: *sigh* Look, stop it already. We all know you care about beauty more than anyone.

Zardin: So I'm...number one?

Johanna: Sure, why not?

Zardin: AHA HA HA! I KNEW IT! I—and only I— am number one! My beauty is the most beauteous of them all!

Johanna: That doesn't mean you can be annoying about it. Knock it off already!

The Prince: So does that mean being on good terms with someone also counts as beauty?

Ranzal: Heh. Couldnt've said it better myself.